If you grew up in the UK during the 80’s you may have fond memories of rushing home from school at 3.45, darting around the streets on your paper round riding a BMX or Chopper like Streethawk, in order to get home quickly and plant yourself in front of the TV ready for Paddington Bear, Danger Mouse, Dogtanian and the 3 Muskerhounds or any of a number of other fabulous cartoons or children’s shows that filled the gap before tea time!
Less ‘cool’ memories, but still cherished because they were a part of the background of your childhood, may be those objects that seemed to appear around your family home and somehow spread like a porcelain and plastic disease into your friends and relatives houses.
I’m talking about all manner of awful nastiness that your parents must have been forced or brainwashed to decorate their homes with because, let’s face it, why the hell else would they?
Here’s a round-up of the most heinous crimes against décor committed by our parents in the name of taste!
We’ll start with some staple old-time randomness. I actually quite like these so I’ve put them first because believe me, it gets a lot weirder!
I’m not sure which came first, Tom Baker’s TARDIS walls, or these light shades, but they both spread quickly across the planet!
It seems like 80’s parents loved nothing more than to collect random crap and display it to all of their drab Tupperware party guests by covering every available square inch of wall space with their lovingly mounted trophies of crazy!
The sideboard didn’t escape weird collections either…
And if an army of miniature mutated glass animals wasn’t bad enough we now come to the seaside psychos favorite pass time; gluing tiny shells to paralyzed birds!
These shell encrusted avians didn’t get the mantelpiece all to themselves though, no, they had to share with any number of these cutesy little love-gushing sweetheart parodies that were churned out by the billion and installed into your home by the same people who claimed to love you.
As you can see, owls cropped up more often in 80’s homes than in a teenage girls’ Harry Potter shrine of a bedroom. Here’s another one fashioned from string…
When they’d run their owl obsession down the dead end of lunacy your parents turned their attention to other ways of covering every flat surface in their home.
From glass fish…
to porcelain infant rappers (check out the gold bling and sideways cap)…
and of course, no eighties home would be complete without a selection of small brass animals
including this huge brass nightmare fly that is actually an ash tray!
And no self respecting 80’s home would be caught without a huge shiny shire horse pulling a cart of barrels or a gypsy caravan
Another staple of the home self-improvement brigade was 80’s holiday spam, and they loved to line kitchen cupboard tops and walls with the cheap, ridiculous and casually racist/sexist souvenirs brought back from their summer hols
This last section is a homage to the totally baboon crazy things that adorned your beloved family home, proof of the fact that in the 80’s, if it matched something else in your house, you didn’t buy it!
And there’s no way we were leaving these off the list
So there you have it. Let this be a lesson to future generations, just because you can, doesn’t mean you should!