Playground: 14 vintage maiming devices!

Playground: 14 vintage maiming devices!

The different things they put in our playgrounds to maim and kill us

We all know that health and safety is a relatively new concept in the UK (one of the Eurocrats better ideas). Previous to that children were frequently maimed, dismembered and killed going about their daily business. Playgrounds were especially dangerous places due to the secret shadow government (the one based on the dark side of the moon in league with Roswell aliens) employing captured post-war scientists to develop torture devices and needing somewhere to try them out with an unlimited supply of victims.

Their apparent brief was to create large, durable, cheap flesh-mangling machines from the resources available after WW2. to this end they employed concrete, surplus scaffold, rope and timber in large quantities. The results were impressive but with the coming of the silicon age the shadow government refocused their attentions on electronic torture devices; producing some of the 70’s and 80’s best selling home entertainment systems.


“It’s really high.” “Yeah, we’d better mount it over something soft.” ” Concrete?”

What you will find now are the remnants of these adventure disaster zones that have been forgotten in small Welsh villages or hidden deep inside lawless urban jungles. But we’ve put together a list of the more common kiddie killing machines for you to look back on with bleary-eyed warm-hearted nostalgia.